Final Five - January

Now that we are a brood of three, I've decided to change things up a bit - plus it's been 3 years of awesome portraits every week and change is good.  This year, I introduce the Final Five (which seems super appropriate since they are five years old!).  

At the end of every month, I will choose five photos of the kids to share.  They may be of all three, a few of each and a combo,  all single shots or something the kids enjoy doing.  I'm looking forward to the mix of shots.

At the end of the year we are going to put together an album together from each month.  I can't wait to see how it comes together.  The kids are really into it too.  Maybe we could get some contributions from them as well!

Here are January's Final Five:

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Emotions for Kids (or Adults *wink)

Teaching emotions, really getting into the nitty gritty about them.  Something, as parents (GUILTY!) I feel we are quick to dismiss.  Instead we discipline outbursts (don't hit your brother!), try to understand what a tantrum is over (5 minute 'turn' timer for toys) or instruct 'better' language use.

Here is link to the download from Kori at Home.  This is a great mom blog I've only begun to look into!

Instead of:

'that's so weird, right?' no, it's 'different, not weird.  And everyone is different, we celebrate our differences'.  

Good response, but not always appropriate.  Instead of reading it as word confusion, why not emotional response?  A translation for an emotion?  Why the exclusion or necessity to point out a 'different' behavior as irregular?

And words - can cut worse than a knife (as my mother used to say, I had quite the tongue as a child and I'm noticing some of the same behaviors with the kids).  We have brute - the hitting and stomping as translation for emotion in addition - words 'I'm not listening to you anymore.' or 'that just looks weird' (with a super snide inflection).  We encourage the kids to talk in place of hitting, but sometimes these words hurt worse than any punch they've taken.  And you can see it in their faces.  The defeat - the exclusion.  

Initial reaction?  Correct the speaking terms.  Try to figure out where this learned behavior is coming from.  I'm realizing that's not going deep enough.  What if it's a coping mechanism?  What if this is their way of expressing anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, etc...?  So I went on a search for emotion cards and found these and this great site.  

This is another really good one with a chart that encourages kids to log their emotions for the day.  I am planning on laminating, cutting and putting these on a key ring for durability.  I can't wait to try them out!

I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this earlier.  Our kids are going through a huge change in their lives.  I can't even imagine how confusing and out of control they must feel.  I can't wait to get started with these.  Trent and I are already coming up with ways to use them in the home.  It was suggested to do role playing games for the emotions to make it a fun learning experience.  I think the kids will really enjoy that. 

Hubs, don't be surprised if I break these out with our next argument *wink.  Because don't we, as adults - fall into the same traps as our children?  We are all students. 

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Defeating the role of "Step-Dad"

One of the hardest things that I’ve run into in my time as being the “Step-Dad”, is the stereo type and bias that comes with the title. The notion that you are just a replacement, that your “Step-Child” isn’t actually YOUR child.  That you must toe the line between trying to please everyone and trying to be the Father figure you want to be.  Luckily, I have a very loving and supportive wife who is willing to call me out (in private, not conflicting authority in front of the kids) and confront me when she feels that I’ve crossed these boundaries, but is also willing to let me step past the stereotypical role of “Step-Dad”.

no need for a gym membership when you are 'daddy playground' to three five-year-old boys.

My biggest struggle has been making sure that I am treating my “Step-Son” as just that, a Son.  I constantly have to check myself.  Am I being too hard on him?  Am I treating him differently?  Am I treating him fairly?  All of these questions and more run through my head with every decision I make when interacting with Soren.

the boys are so strong I didn't have to cut the tree down - they pushed it to the ground!  all those push ups for 'every toy still left out' have paid off *wink

As such, I have slowly come to see him AS my Son and have learned a few things on this journey.  But what I propose to any other Step-Dads out there, are these few things I have learned and the many things I still have yet to learn:

1:  Establish your role as Step-Father

  • You don’t want to try to replace the Bio-Dad

  • Be a safe place

2:  Involve your new Step-Child

  • Include him in your daily routines

  • Create new routines for just the two of you

3:  Work with your partner

  • No one knows your Step-Child like your partner (they are the biological parent after all)

  • Talk about the boundaries and values you wish to instill

And lastly, and by far I think to be the most important… stop thinking of yourself as “Step-Dad”!

The definition of a Dad: dad [dad]  NOUN1. Informal -- one’s father
The definition of a Father: father [fa'ther]  NOUN1. D. -- A man who raises a child

So by definition, are you not your Step-Child’s Father, and your Step-Child not - your Child?

authored by Trent Crutcher

Around Here - Learning

Always learning we are (how very Yoda of my grammar is).  Apologies for the slap happy humor.  Hanging out with three five year old boys has that effect.

We are sustaining around here - getting into a groove with our new schedules.  Truly enjoying time together - the boys love, fight and laugh the typical quota - make me laugh as hard as a mother can laugh (and let's be honest, cry), mediate and snuggle.  We have parent/teacher conferences this week which are a hoot with Kindergartner/Pre-Schoolers (I also say things like 'rice and beans' and 'oh shucks', yep).  The kids are all reading us bedtime stories which is super rad, constructing like crazy and constantly begging for more time to run outside (even with fevers - they are certifiably crazy and eating us out of house and home 'MOOOOOOORE!!!').

I am still learning how to snag time to myself - which ultimately means waking up early.  Like EARLY, early.  I will repeat the learning and 'working on it' part.  But I do feel the difference and it's pretty astounding.  Reading this gem and drinking plenty of tea.  

Watching my coffee and caffeine intake has really aided with my crabby attitude in the middle of the day.  I'm sustaining energy more than I used to.  Not sure if it's just a 'my' body thing or a science, thoughts?  Maybe more on that in the future.

Been blog perusing as usual and came across these favorites:

1.  This first tattoo is beautiful.  I love the simple lines and floral design.

2.  My grandfather was just diagnosed with cancer and fighting strongly through his first rounds of Chemo.  I look forward to reading this book and getting some perspective.

3.  This video is hilarious.  I know people just like this #instagramhusband

4.  Really really really (did I say really?) want to make this calendar for our family.  WE NEED IT!!! MUST HAVE IT!!! Our next DIY if I ever get the robes done.

5.  Making this gem tonight for dinner.  Thank you Deb for your incredible recipes and helping me feed children all these years.  They LOVE this one.

That's all I've got for now.  Have a good week!

Kiddos Say - 'Not In Real Life'

This is so good.  And shows SO much of the kid's personalities.

The twins went to the Museum Center and were telling Soren and I about the model train station of the city of Cincinnati.  I asked if they'd seen the incline.  I wasn't sure, but thought it was either Clifton's or Mt Adam's.  Mayer wasn't sure and Marley asked me what it was.  I explained it.  Marley proceeded with :

MR:  'That sounds neat.  But it didn't exist.'

Me:  'But it did.  Really it did.  That's how they were able to get home from downtown.  The hills were too big for horses or to walk.  They still use these in other states and countries!'

MR:  'I know.  But that never existed here.  Not in Cincinnati.  Not in real life.'

Me:  'But how would they have gotten their groceries home?'

MA:  'Right, bubs.  They'd be WAAAAAY to heavy to carry.  It is REAL!'

Me:  'A bike maybe?'

SP:  'Nah.  It'd still be too heavy.  The hill is TOO big!  It's real.  Really, real.  You'd get way too tired. '

MR:  'No.  It's not real.  Not in real life.  Not ever.'

This conversation lasted all the way to Findlay Market - a 15 minute drive.  The three of us ended up shrugging our shoulders after Marley said:

MR:  'I'm not talking to you guys (SP and MA) anymore, I'm having a conversation with myself.'

And proceeded to tell himself 'it didn't exist here in Cincinnati.  Not in real life'.  Marley's tenacity is incredible.  I admire it.  When he has his mind made up, there is no convincing him otherwise.  Even with stone cold evidence.  Like this picture:

The other two are just as strong willed in their own ways, obviously since the conversation lasted 15 minutes.  

This also reminds me of the Louis C.K. skit about his 3-year-old (which is hilarious, but warning, there is profanity).  He offers his daughter a 'Fig Newton'.  She says - 'They're not called Fig Newtons, they are called PIG Newtons!'  He responds with 'No honey.  They are called FIG newtons.'  She says 'No!  You don't know!  You don't know!  They are called Pig Newtons!'.  He responds with 'Oh really? I don't know?  I don't know? Dude, I'm not even using my memory right now.  I'm reading the box! It says it!!  Where are you getting your information on this one?!  You are three, I am 41!!'.    

His explanation though, how it didn't 'exist in real life', does remind me of this Key and Peele.  'He is short.  But you are actually short - in real life, in the world.'  Totally unrelated but hilarious.