Now, I know - all mother's are working, whether or not they are employed - but that's not quite what I mean by 'working motherhood'. I am talking about being an employed mother. Being a parent is work - it's hard work, but I am sure most would join me in saying that it's very rewarding work. Not that the work I do at the station is not, but it is a very different kind of work that I have been struggling with since the birth of our son.
It's different? how so? Well, let me explain. Rick and I are both audio engineers, which means that both of us can not only work at home, but almost have to. Between unsuccesful child care research and staying on top of the industry, we are ALWAYS working - which for a momma, can prove to be very frustrating. Not that it isn't for Rick, but he has this wild ability to be absolutely in LOVE with the projects he is working on while still making time for us, his family. Although, I have to admit - he does get to work consistant hours at work and his side jobs are almost always scheduled around the same time. Me, however - not so much. I have the weirdest schedule. Sometimes I will work 3 weeks in a row without a day off, but those days will be 12 hours, 4 hours or 6 hour days... my psyche gets SO confused.
Worst part about it all - I just want to be home with Soren. Typical momma guilt? Not really - I would say, more so... momma needs.
Obviously - this is something I have been struggling with for awhile. But things are changing. Since the blog, the podcast, the SLR and playing in photoshop - all the research, the work and finished projects, I am starting to remember what encouraged me to be an engineer in the first place. I am getting excited about work again - whether they are side projects, the blog or photography, best of all - I am finding ways to bring my son into it. Not just as the story, but my inspiration to do the work.
My family got me through it. I realize, looking back - my guys, Rick and Soren inspired me to push forward and I can't thank them enough. Rick sends me research and articles about working in photoshop, new blogging resources and even ideas for the podcast. Soren, well - it's simple. You are just a joy to be around and your never ending curiosity and confidence convince me I am capable of anything.