Around Here - Schedules

For the love of schedules.  Sometimes our lives feel like just that.  ONE-big-fat schedule. 

5:30 - TC wake up and leave to the Police Academy, 6am - at the latest, CC gets ready, 6:30a - at the latest, brood awakens and body slams CC,  feed, make lunches, vitamins, clothe, brush teeth, 8:30a - leave for school, drop off 8:50-9:10a, etc....

Schedules mean planners for me.  I am a list maker and 'check off-er'.  My lists help me feel accomplished and put me in a better mood all around.  I use it to plan meals (which isn't much in the way of planning.  I really like to cook, so I don't dread changing my mind and dragging the kids to the market for the third time in a week.  They love the waffles).  I'm lusting over this Passion Planner.  With all of the pending changes in our lives this would be a perfect fit.

You get the idea.  It's chaos in the most controlled fashion.  Thing is - I didn't realize just how dependent I am on the schedule until my husband told me to go in the bedroom and sit.  Defensively and DEFIANTLY, I replied 'uh - no!  I have a schedule.  The kids need....' and so on.  He looked at me with wide eyes and said 'yeah.  And I am their father.  I can do that.  You can go sit down.  That's what you can do.'

This is another book I REALLY want.  It's created by one of my favorite bloggers, Elise Blaha and would fit me to a T.  I've got to get one of these!

I got in the room and had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.  Sad, I know.  So I write - Around Here? Is our giant schedule filled with laughter, tears, craziness, chaos, and love.  Doing everything to keep it together day by day with three little humans, two full time working adults, a lazy pit bull and anti-social beta fish.

Then there is the 'family' calendar.  I've got hubs convinced to do this DIY with me.  Click on the image to see the step-by-step process to create this sleek looking calendar sure to keep everyone in sync from A Beautiful Mess.

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Parenting - Discipline

My wife introduced me to this book.  It's fantastic and even has role play/worksheet scenarios to work on better, more respectful ways to speak to our children.

Being a father to 3 five-year old (cough* monsters *cough) children, I would say that I deal with discipline regularly.  Like - every 2 hours or rather, 2 minutes.  I am not an expert and would not trust anyone who thinks they are.  We are all learning through this parenting thing.  But, there is a very thin line when disciplining children.  Too much and I risk the guilt that comes with my child crying for hours, too little and I risk raising a child that has no respect for adults or others.

In the past (sociologically), there is the working father and stay-at-home mother and generally the father’s role was to deal out the discipline.  How many times have I heard “Just wait till your father gets home!” growing up.

Here are some of the key elements I remember when disciplining and what I have learned in my short but fast 5 years of parenting:

Be In Control:  Keep your emotions under control!  Children are extremely good at testing patience and limits.  Maintain a calm demeanor and try not to use a raised voice, it will only escalate the situation.  Secondly, and what I believe to be the most important, Chelsea and I agree on our disciplinary stance and NEVER contradict one another in front of the kids.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime:  Don’t give over exaggerated discipline.  Telling the child that if they don’t listen that they will never get dessert, is just not physically possible to enforce.  This also weakens the authoritative position with older children - they know it is impossible to deliver the disciplinary promise.

Physical Punishment:  I’m pretty sure I thought that Home Depot carried spanking paddles growing up.  I know now, they are actually paint stirrers.  I have mixed feelings on physical punishment.  When I became a new father I thought for certain corporal punishment was the way to go.  I have since changed my outlook.  Spanking a child resulted in an ineffective swat on a mushy diaper, causing the child to giggle, which in turn ends in frustration.  Something to also be careful of is what that teaches the child “you resolve conflict with physical force”.  Doesn’t particularly set a fine example for problem solving.

Mental Punishment:  “I gave up so much for you and you can’t even do XYZ!”  Children are exactly that, A CHILD!  Taking out regrets or personal frustrations on them is absolutely not acceptable.  Also - all children are unique people, even siblings.  I have identical twins, but they could not be more opposite when it comes to their personalities.  Do not compare one child to another.  They all have strengths and challenges and the idea is to have them work together.  Cooperatively.

Chelsea swears by Dr. Sears.  'He's honest and real.  The advice comes from a place of education AND experience' she says.  I guess I have some reading to do.

Most importantly, my job is to be a teacher.  Provide an environment for learning within safe boundaries.  Not judge, jury, or executioner.

authored by Trent Crutcher

Kiddos Say - God

I am an atheist.  That means that I don’t believe in God.

I do not know some of the mysteries of our existence but do not subscribe to the explanation that a ‘God’ created the things that I do not know.  I am NOT an anti-theist - I do NOT condemn or belittle those that DO believe in a higher power or existence of a supreme being.  I do NOT discriminate and DO follow science, physics, and biology.  These things fascinate and make sense to me.  And yes, I enjoy the writings of Dawkins and yes, dear Hitchens (RIP) - as vulgar as he may have been at times.

That being said, here is my conversation with the kiddos (kiddo initiated I might add).

MR:  God made the world, right Ms. Chelsea?

MA:  Yeah, he did!

SP:  furrowed brow

ME:  Yes.  For those that believe in God - he did!  For those that don’t believe in God, he did not.’

MR:  People who don’t believe in God are bad, right?

ME:  Not necessarily sweetie.  It’s not bad to not believe in God.  Some people do, some people don’t.  Some people say ‘I don’t know!’.  That’s all ok.  We are all different and believe different things.

MR:  But you believe in God, right Ms. Chelsea?

ME:  No, I don’t actually.  And that’s ok.  You do, and that’s ok too!

Then we talked a little about baptism and what that means in the church they attend.  He wanted to be baptized this morning and I promised to thaw him out afterward since it was so cold outside.  We had a good chuckle.

Mayer and Soren were listening intently.  I was really impressed with the questions and the willingness to talk about it.  Soren had his furrowed brow and Mayer’s were raised - I adore their ‘taking it all in’ facial expressions.

The conversation got a little hairier when I was asked where people came from.  I offered up the Christian belief - 'Man was created from the earth' and the Theory of Evolution - 'Man came from Apes, but it took a REALLY REALLY LONG time'.  I should’ve just rolled with the mommy and daddy explanation, but honestly - it wasn’t what they were looking for.  They know that.

I tried so hard to speak on their level and fairly for both sides.  One of my issues with some (not all, I am not stereotyping) organized religion is the discrimination that to think differently about God makes you ‘bad’.  But when you are 5, this could be a simple misunderstanding and I treat it as such.  I don’t think people that believe in God are ‘bad’ or ‘evil’, either.  I am not a fan of discrimination of ideas in general.

So this conversation was a bit of a double edged sword.  I’d hate for the kids to face discrimination for the way their mother/step-mother believes but I simply can’t and will not lie to them.  Ever.  But being informed about the differences in belief systems and having the knowledge to choose for one’s self is invaluable.  Knowledge is power.  Power of confidence and individuality.  That is what we all are - individuals.  And that should be celebrated.  NOT discriminated against.

authored by Chelsea Crutcher

Defeating the role of "Step-Dad"

One of the hardest things that I’ve run into in my time as being the “Step-Dad”, is the stereo type and bias that comes with the title. The notion that you are just a replacement, that your “Step-Child” isn’t actually YOUR child.  That you must toe the line between trying to please everyone and trying to be the Father figure you want to be.  Luckily, I have a very loving and supportive wife who is willing to call me out (in private, not conflicting authority in front of the kids) and confront me when she feels that I’ve crossed these boundaries, but is also willing to let me step past the stereotypical role of “Step-Dad”.

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no need for a gym membership when you are 'daddy playground' to three five-year-old boys.

My biggest struggle has been making sure that I am treating my “Step-Son” as just that, a Son.  I constantly have to check myself.  Am I being too hard on him?  Am I treating him differently?  Am I treating him fairly?  All of these questions and more run through my head with every decision I make when interacting with Soren.

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the boys are so strong I didn't have to cut the tree down - they pushed it to the ground!  all those push ups for 'every toy still left out' have paid off *wink

As such, I have slowly come to see him AS my Son and have learned a few things on this journey.  But what I propose to any other Step-Dads out there, are these few things I have learned and the many things I still have yet to learn:

1:  Establish your role as Step-Father

• You don’t want to try to replace the Bio-Dad

• Be a safe place

2:  Involve your new Step-Child

• Include him in your daily routines

• Create new routines for just the two of you

3:  Work with your partner

• No one knows your Step-Child like your partner (they are the biological parent after all)

• Talk about the boundaries and values you wish to instill

And lastly, and by far I think to be the most important… stop thinking of yourself as “Step-Dad”!

The definition of a Dad: dad [dad]  NOUN1. Informal -- one’s father

The definition of a Father: father [fa'ther]  NOUN1. D. -- A man who raises a child

So by definition, are you not your Step-Child’s Father, and your Step-Child not - your Child?

authored by Trent Crutcher

Around Here - Learning

Always learning we are (how very Yoda of my grammar is).  Apologies for the slap happy humor.  Hanging out with three five year old boys has that effect.

We are sustaining around here - getting into a groove with our new schedules.  Truly enjoying time together - the boys love, fight and laugh the typical quota - make me laugh as hard as a mother can laugh (and let's be honest, cry), mediate and snuggle.  We have parent/teacher conferences this week which are a hoot with Kindergartner/Pre-Schoolers (I also say things like 'rice and beans' and 'oh shucks', yep).  The kids are all reading us bedtime stories which is super rad, constructing like crazy and constantly begging for more time to run outside (even with fevers - they are certifiably crazy and eating us out of house and home 'MOOOOOOORE!!!').

I am still learning how to snag time to myself - which ultimately means waking up early.  Like EARLY, early.  I will repeat the learning and 'working on it' part.  But I do feel the difference and it's pretty astounding.  Reading this gem and drinking plenty of tea.  

Watching my coffee and caffeine intake has really aided with my crabby attitude in the middle of the day.  I'm sustaining energy more than I used to.  Not sure if it's just a 'my' body thing or a science, thoughts?  Maybe more on that in the future.

Been blog perusing as usual and came across these favorites:

1.  This first tattoo is beautiful.  I love the simple lines and floral design.

2.  My grandfather was just diagnosed with cancer and fighting strongly through his first rounds of Chemo.  I look forward to reading this book and getting some perspective.

3.  This video is hilarious.  I know people just like this #instagramhusband

4.  Really really really (did I say really?) want to make this calendar for our family.  WE NEED IT!!! MUST HAVE IT!!! Our next DIY if I ever get the robes done.

5.  Making this gem tonight for dinner.  Thank you Deb for your incredible recipes and helping me feed children all these years.  They LOVE this one.

That's all I've got for now.  Have a good week!