Initially this post was going to be about blending families but I thought since it started with something the 'kiddos' said it needed to be in that category as well, because the blog will now feature kiddos and what the Kiddos Say (as we have become a house hold of three brilliant, witty, creative little brains instead of one).
Blending our family will also be a common theme. I toiled on sharing such an intimate and personal experience with the web. But after researching, reading, scanning other blogs and articles - I realized that this is an important subject and ANY information (good, bad or challenging) is appreciated (particularly by me).
So, what did the kiddos say? Let me preface this with the fact that our kids - say just about anything. And I absolutely ADORE the fact that they will ask us any question, no matter how awkward, difficult or off-putting it may be. So....
MR: 'Daddy? Ms. Chelsea? Bubby is my real brother and Soren is my step-brother. Right?'
Me: Stammering for the right words (which I've now learned is horrible. Be 110% on these valuable responses. They travel a long way and being completely sure is incredibly important for not only the kids, but yourself), my husband interjects - beautifully.
Trent: 'No. Soren is your real brother. You are all brothers. This is our family. Bubby is your biological brother.'
MR: 'What is biological?'
And so proceeds that conversation - with ALL the children listening intently.
And this is just how we treat them. Trent and I talk about this just about every evening (also critical, you must be on the SAME page when blending families with children). How we are doing, how are the kids coping, how are they developing - the good and challenging, what can we do better (and then we chuckle about their 'isms', discuss their beautiful individuality and complimentary behaviors). We want them to create a bond. It's so important to us. So we treat them like brothers. Because that is what they are. No less. And Soren? He's elated. To say he loves having brothers is an understatement. Not that they don't fight! And trust me, they do - like boys.
But how Trent approached this question was brilliant. He was patient and understanding. Calm and sure. I was so grateful he was there in that moment and it didn't take me long to put together how and who he may have had in mind. Himself with his brothers and sisters. My husband was adopted by two incredible people and a warm, loving family. And I couldn't see them handling this discussion any differently. His siblings are his real siblings. His parents are his parents. Period. It's that simple.
Being a part of this family - I see it. As an outsider coming in. You would never know it any other way. I hope for that with our kids. That they will have that bond and we are strong enough to help harness that for them.