Do you experience the holiday blues? I do. And it feels liberating somehow to finally admit it.
The holidays have always been tricky for me - even before having a family or moving to Cincinnati. Working in entertainment has always meant I was either playing or recording something. Now that I have my own family - the guilt sets in amongst the busy. The guilt of not relaxing and enjoying this time. Of having to run off to a new event instead of really really enjoying the lights, wonder and warmth of the holidays.
To top it off - this is the THIRD year I am spending it away from MY family. I haven't seen my newest niece in months and I am missing her first Christmas. *sigh - that's so difficult to even type. And Soren keeps telling me how he 'wants to see his cousin Avery' and 'give her, her presents. I wrapped Emily's - I want to give it to her' and the hardest one to hear - 'I want to play trains with cousin Avery. I want to say I love you and give hugs and kisses.' That one just killed me last week after it was topped with a 'it's not fair momma!!!!'. You're right buddy - it's not fair.
So - needless to say... I get lonely. But instead of wallowing this year - I am going to pick myself up. Make cookies out of my mother's old cook book every day, play in the snow, work when necessary and remember to take a deep breath and gaze in wonder at my beautiful family (including our sweet pitty *wink). This article helped quite a bit, too. AND my wonderful mother has graciously offered and is planning her post Xmas trip before the New Year. She fearlessly (in awful weather EVERY year) brings all the love, smiles and comfort of St Louis with her every time. I couldn't be more grateful.